Pre- script: This is a report of the Xavier’s MUN, 2014, Historic Security Council. Agenda: Discussing the Suez Canal Crisis of 1956. The Press played the role of the BBC- The “Baseless Broadcasting Corporation”. Hence, some British terms are used.
This report was written by my fellow press member (Roshan Zoha) and I.
The delegates of the HSC clearly embody the principles of the three monkeys of The Half-Naked Fakir– not to hear or talk (or see). With an uncanny resemblance to corpses in a graveyard and the unique ability to slumber through the most volatile updates, the delegates have distinguished themselves through their repetitive arguments, rhetoric, misplaced puns, and extensive “lobbying skills”.
After various motions to open debate, set the (pre-determined) agenda, and other exhaustive MUNning procedures, the delegate of Iraq began with a 90 second , heavily accented speech that few (if any) could comprehend. The next impact came from the delegate of USSR.They started off by classifying hypocrisy as having two forms: one, the general form,and the second as that exhibited by the ‘glorious’ United States of America.
The delegates of Belgium, in attempting to justify Egypt’s actions, displayed their amazing ability to foretell the future,by predicting the construction of the Aswan Dam even before the Egyptian delegates themselves came to know of its proposed existence. This trend was continued by the Australian delegate, who declared the yet-to-occur WW III concluded. Among our various “bhavishwavanis”, the most prominent were the delegates of the USSR, who predicted the advent of Saddam Hussain in between respiratory reflexes, and the delegates of UK who foresaw surrogacy.
A foreign policy-defying Update introduced by a drowsy chair made little impact on a bunch of equally drowsy delegates. The next half hour, spent discussing trivial matters having little to do with the matter at hand, sent most of the non-delegates, along with some active participants, to dreamland; the simultaneous debarment of the delegates of France and USA being the most interesting event at that time. The next Update, discussing CIA interceptions and military mobilization surprisingly hinted at a possible US-USSR alliance. Response to this Update was as limited as before, with the delegates of Egypt hogging the limelight again- they accused the CIA of falsifying the Update.
It has come to the attention of the Press that the chairs are apparently very uncomfortable- the delegates of Jordan and France clearly had greater affinity for the Chairs than for their own chairs. The hard plastic seats also had an effect on a delegate of Syria, who suffered since-birth-memory-loss, calling his own country “Iraq”. Also affected were the delegates of Egypt, who tried to convince the Chairs that HMUN procedures could be applied in the XMUN, alongside trying to pass off the Committee Study Guide as a legal document. The Egyptians themselves were victims of plastic-chair-induced-brain-scrambling, when the delegates of USSR declared Egypt to be the “breeding grounds of the world”.
Unmoderated caucuses displayed the delegates’ excellent “lobbying skills”. In fact, the delegates of Yugoslavia even began lobbying with the members of the Press (NOT an accident). A modification of this complex also affected the delegate of Jordan, who (accidentally) asked the Press if they would be signatories to his Draft Resolution. The delegates’ exemplary communication skills were further highlighted by the mass astonishment at being informed that there would be Draft Resolutions. One of the Chinese delegates stirred up quite the house jam with rapper like hand movements worthy enough to give the Chair of the committee an inferiority complex- though the chair’s inferiority complex had already been highlighted earlier, when some delegates beat him at his own forte; i.e, rhetoric.
Fractured International Diplomacy is a pleasure to watch. While the first Update forced Jordan, Iran, Iraq and Turkey to change their stance on Egypt, the second and third Updates saw the fracturing of relations between USA, UK and France. USA violated the NATO treaty and issued economic sanctions against its fellow NATO members, simultaneously siding itself with Egypt (and thus with the USSR). The delegates of Egypt, seeing a golden opportunity, tried to play God by obtaining the support of both the USSR and the USA. To their dismay, the USSR delegates claimed that they weren’t against USA; but they didn’t want to be on the same side as them either.
The day ended with deliberations on the various Draft Resolutions. The delegates, having finally come alive after a can of Red Bull, apparently decided to spread their wings and disrupt committee, for in the next one-and-a-half hours, the delegates ensured that 90% of the motions raised (there were lots of them) failed. Two delegates of USA and UK decided to go further; the chair had to order the UK delegates to shift places. Draft Resolution names were also quite innovative- the most ‘outstanding’ being “Oi-shek your Boo-tay 01”. Mr. Oishik Ganguly, member of the Executive Board, took offence to this
The X-MUN HSC: Day 1 was everything one could have asked for, though the lack of an Entertainment Motion was definitely regrettable. However, on a day when USA and USSR can be allies on a military issue, some rules can definitely be thrown to the wind.